The Woman Men Adore And Never Want To Leave Review
About The Woman Men Adore And Never Want To Leave By Bob Grant
The promise of The Woman Men Adore is two-fold. Firstly, to teach women what it is men adore in a woman, and secondly to help you to put the strategies into action so that you can actually see the benefits of applying them in your relationships with men. Quite simply men do not leave that which they adore, so if Bob can pull it off then that is a goal worthy of anyone. In truth though it is a big claim, and if you are a woman of the doubtful persuasion (I have met a few of those in my time, so clearly I need to read the male equivalent of Bobs book if he ever gets around to writing it :-)) then you may be wondering exactly what it is that is in the book that makes it worthy of your attention.
So, here is the the lowdown. To begin with let's take a look at the chapter headings in the book.
It has eleven chapters, and the structure is as follows:
Introduction
Chapter 1 - Vulnerability
Chapter 2 - What Men Really Want
Chapter 3 - Listening To Your Heart
Chapter 4 - Certain Death To Relationships
Chapter 5 - Forgiveness
Chapter 6 - Secrets of A Great Relationship
Chapter 7 - Deciding Your Style
Chapter 8 - No Man Is A Match For A Woman Who Puts Her Heart First
Chapter 9 - Personality and Percepton
Chapter 10 - Practical, Practical, Practical
Chapter 11 - What You Can Expect
Bob starts out by laying down his intentions for the book in the introduction:
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The first chapter kicks off the book with the fundamentals of relationship building and a discussion of how you HAVE to be awake to how you make others around you feel. To do that you need a sense of your own self worth, and also the ability to change your patterns of behaviour if they aren't currently working. You need to be accessible to men if you ever hope to form the kind of bond that will truly satisfy both of you, and Bob discusses how you can't wait to meet a man who somehow magically "gets you". Instead you have to reverse that around and start to magically get yourself. Once you do that you have a much better chance of meeting a partner you can really connect with, because you will both be singing from the same hymn sheet.
Now, getting a handle on your relationship fears can be a difficult thing to do, but this chapter talks you through how to go about it. And the good thing about this book is that it is squarely aimed at women alone, and not men. So it's not one of those "crossover" type guides where the author speaks about men and women in exactly the same way when talking about re-igniting the flames of passion in a relationship, or else building new bridges in existing ones.
We all know that men and women are different (or at least you do once you get past the age of about 10 :-)). They think differently. They act differently. They have different motivations. And it is bizarre that so many of the 'get ex back' guides seem to treat the two sexes as though they are infinitely interchangeable (Hmmmm I wonder if it is to double sales... men AND women...)
You don't get any of that nonsense here, because this book is for women. You also tend to get the best of both worlds. Because the guide is written by a man, and so he also has an intimate knowledge of what men like. Remember he is a trained marriage counselor of 17 years experience who has carried out counselling on thousands of couples, and claims that this guide has been used by over 42,000 women. That alone is great. But the fact that he is a man in reality means he knows what men want. And trust me. Lots of the stuff he is talking about is NOT common sense. It may seem obvious to men. But from experience I can tell you it is clearly NOT obvious to women.
He builds on that gap in knowledge of relationship structures and desires in Chapter 2 where he talks about "What Men Really Want". And no. We are not talking about the Mel Gibson film here :-) Instead he approaches this intelligently, by not simply spouting a load of theory. He gets you to question what you know about mens desires by asking you questions. In this way he is able to elicit a much clearer idea about your OWN situation. This is not psycho-babble. It is common sense stuff applied to the dynamics of human relationships. And because you are having to look inside at your own relationship history, it means that you are constructing an information base that is infinitely more useful and practical come the later chapters.
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In Chapter 3 we move onto "Listening to your Heart". Sounds very New Age I know. But it's actually very practical. Think about it this way. You have a leaky pipe. You could race around the house for hours on end trying to find the small hole from where water is leaking out. Or, you could just turn off the stopcock to stop the leak and call in a plumber. Same thing here. You could rush blindly around from relationship to relationship. None of them going as you hope. Or you could sit down and figure out what is really going on after a few hours of reading, and take a walk down a sunnier road. This 'Listening to your Heart' chapter spoke about connecting with the inner vibe within you and what your real desires are. Listening to your feelings, and acting on them. Cool stuff.
Chapters 4 and 5 is where it starts moving beyond the understanding phase and into the practical application phase of the book. It talks about the different factors that are death to a relationship. It talks about three different patterns of behaviour, and how anger can get in the way of your judgement. It evaluates the role that forgiveness can play in freeing your mind from past relationship regrets and helping you to move forward, and also discusses the five stages of forgiveness. I found this to be an interesting section of the book. All of us would be well served by understanding behaviour patterns, as they are central to what guides our behaviour. If you can learn to forgive, then in reality you free yourself up from a lot of painful baggage, because in order to feel those feelings you literally "have to hold onto them".
The rubber really meets the road in Chapter 6 when Bob talks about "Secrets of a Great Relationship". Now that is a cool title :-). In reality, if you have had a few relationships in the past, then hopefully at some stage all of them were good (even if only for short periods). Many of the clues as to how to form good relationships in the future comes when you start to put together the different jigsaw pieces of those good times in your relationships. Now, amplify that experience by the experiences of a guy who has had thousands of female counselling clients, and it's not hard to see how useful information like this could be. In the book Bob focuses in on three major areas that he has identified as being central to a great relationship. So rather then having to re-invent the wheel you can simply try out what has already worked for other women, and see if it works for you.
Both Chapters 7 and 8 share a lot of common territory. They are all about you learning what your particular relationship style is, and then trying to get relationships that more accurately reflect who you are. This is a big area of disparity for many relationships, because women end up with men who they are fundamentally incompatible with. You need to start being honest with yourself a good deal earlier. If you keep trying to put square pegs in round holes, then it's never going to work. And chapter 8 talks about putting your heart first so that you can ensure that you have healthy relationships that are really in alignment with your values.
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Being in alignment is built on in Chapter 10 as it moves everything up a notch and gets you intimately involved in figuring out your personality and how you perceive the world. Sounds deep, and I guess it is. But the application here is very practical and very easy to understand. You aren't blinded by science, but you do need to some exercises and self-reflection. It is pretty fundamental to know whether you are a happy homebody, or whether you love partying. This is a primary reason for much unhappiness in relationships, because there is simply a disconnect between the natural instincts of the two partners. Once you have drawn a line in the sand and figured out which side of it you are on, then it is much easier to know whether a potential partner is good news long term, or merely a passing fancy.
All of this has been building up to the final two chapters where you learn practical strategies and tactics that you can use to knit all the pieces together. With Bob presenting 5 powerful strategies to get you having smilier, happier relationships, and describing exactly what you need to do to make it happen.
There is also a bonus which comes with this book of a personal 15 minute telephone consultation with Bob Grant himself, which is cool. This book has so far sold 42,000 copies. So you would think after all those consultations Bob would have amassed some good answers to any relationship question you have. (If you do get it then I would read the book first though, as most questions are likely to be answered inside. And then save the consultation for afterwards for any REALLY tricky issues you have that need the personal touch).
In conclusion, The Woman Men Adore is a book that I am sure you will enjoy reading. I am also sure that if you actually do the various exercises and follow through on the different strategies that you will not only understand yourself and your partner considerably better, but also set yourself up much more clearly for happy relationships with all men.
It's not magic ladies. You will have to do some work, and Brad Pitt will not magically appear in your living room because you have read this book. But the truth is that women at peace with themselves are MUCH more attractive to men, and that's a pretty good start :-)
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P.S Here is a personal testimonial of what another woman just like you made of Bob's book.
-- Maria V., Beverly Hills, California
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